Dry any trace of perspiration off your body before it gets a chance to evaporate and cool you down, thus creating more heat and perspiration which of course you're just going to wipe up anyway right?

Habitual scratching, picking, adjusting and chewing gum like a mad cow -- all okay.

Don't even think about opening that window. If you're sweating be a man and use your hello kitty handkerchief.

If you're in charge of the train air conditioning, a good rule of thumb is the hotter the outside temperature the colder the aircon. For example a humid 35 degree day would call for 20 degrees.

Toothpaste is over rated.

Run towards the train at full tilt and leap/lunge inside the car. When you gather yourself and notice the doors didn't immediately close right behind you (and won't for another 5 min), casually fix your tie and make your way to the other end of the car saving us from your embarrassment, Indy.

Priority seats are for business men reading porno.

Without checking the sign I scrambled down the steps at Shimo-Kitazawa station yesterday and jumped on the first train. Little did I know I had caught the mythical Rapid Express. I heard the rumors, and thought they were just that --- an urban legend. It couldn't be true, a train that didn't make a single stop between Shimo-Kitazawa and Shin-Yurigaoka.

In one foul swoop all wrongs committed by Odakyu in the past; every late, crowded, stinky body odor heated train had now been forgiven. Every train that shut its door on my foot, bag and miscellaneous body part had been forgotten.

There's nothing quite like the pain of having bud headphones violently yanked from your ears. And even though 100% of the time it's 100% my doing, the first reaction always seems to be retaliation in the form of tracking down this joker who ripped my headphones out and slugging him/her in the back of the neck. That's about when I pick my iPod up off the train floor and scramble out before the doors close.

On the way home this evening, I sat across from a woman wearing a t-shirt with the following revolutionary message. look, sparkly!

Shaving cream, rice, dried yellowy substance from lip to bottom of chin, possibly mustard. Whiskey. Although not visible you could sure smell it, possibly Johnny Walker. Toothpaste, purple hair dye, in hair. This is a common one among women in the 55-70 year old demographic. Possibly on purpose. Umm, hair gel?

Every morning I take the Odakyu line at 6:30 am from Sagamiono to Noborito station where I transfer on to 2 other train lines to get to my office. For the last week and a half I have witnessed something so disturbing, so disgusting, so absolutely repulsive that I can not keep it to myself. We have all seen oyaji picking their noses quickly and descretley on the train, I know I have but this guy I see every day is over the top. He not only goes completely postal on his nostrils but he, (sorry for saying this but I've got to get this off my chest) licks his fingers between picks! I usually get a good 25 min of sleep during that lag of my journey but lately I have been so disgusted by this salary man that I keep thinking to myself what I could do to make him stop. I have yelled at people in the past who have done the same thing, "Is it tasty? nice and salty?" in Japanese but the other passengers just stare at me... How can this guy do this in full view of everyone on the train? and is he not embarrassed? why does no one say anything? Yesterday I took out my camera and video taped this guy. Some of my co-workers took a quick look at the video and just lost it! and what I don't understand is those are the same people who sit quietly on the train ignoring these types of childish actions. Download the 1.6MB video here.